Ch. 19: Recovering Mutuality in Marriage

The Roles We Play, a Serial Memoir

I stood in the front of the room preparing to speak, while Evan sat in the back. There for moral and tech support, I looked at my husband for confirmation that we were all set to begin. He nodded as if to say, “we’re good; you’ve got this.”

Back in the fall, I was asked to lead a marriage class for young couples by a pastor at a local church. I said I would be happy to, and that he could choose between of my two workshops: one on communication, called Courageous Conversations, or another thematic and topical class, called Mutuality in Marriage.

He chose Mutuality in Marriage.

Though a part of me always gets nervous when preparing to public speak, I was also looking forward to teaching about this subject in particular. When I told Evan about the class, he asked if I wanted him to come with me or if I needed his help in any way, supporting me the same way he has since the start of our marriage. I responded with a yes please and a 12-years-and-running thank you.

After a mutual exchange of introductions, I began my presentation with why I created a class called Mutuality in Marriage in the first place. I told them about the books I read growing up that emphasized marriage roles over mutual relationship. I told them how seminary saved my marriage from unhealthy views, habits, and dynamics from the start, and how over the course of my career, I’d seen the difference good theology can make for Christian couples. I told them that for those reasons, we would be starting with a theology of mutuality in marriage.